Are we trading in a real existence for a digital one?
That was the question posed by a recent article I read about “What not to post online.” The answer to that question….I’m not sure maybe not trading it, but often times giving it more precedence than real existence, or trying to live two “lives.” Here is what I’ve noticed:
1. Accidently typing in www.facebook.com when attempting to go to another website.
2. Checking your social media feed more than once in the same hour. Really I could say more than once in the morning, afternoon, and evening. Or even staying logged in all day long via a smart phone.
3. Strategically planning when to post something so as to get the most attention to it. We all know that around lunch or in the evening is prime time.
4. Likes. Now there are a few things to say about this crazy little thumbs up sign.
-Just clicking it can show the world your solidarity with an issue, if you don’t click it you may actually feel guilty for not being supportive.
-Have you ever "liked" someone's post to promote a good they have done? Maybe they went to church, donated some money, did a random act of kindness. Then you click like of course because you like what they did, but do you ever do it so that maybe they will continue this good behavior?
-Have you ever "liked" someone's post to promote a good they have done? Maybe they went to church, donated some money, did a random act of kindness. Then you click like of course because you like what they did, but do you ever do it so that maybe they will continue this good behavior?
-You may like someone’s post as a way to reach out and “touch” them. You “like” what someone has posted every now and then to show “I haven’t forgotten them…”
-With that said you can also “like” something of someone who you maybe don’t get along with to show you’re over or above the ill feelings.
-We judge the popularity of a post or a page based on how many “likes” it has. Furthermore we may even judge our own worth and popularity based on our online attention. We may actually get insecure if something we posted doesn’t have any or very few likes.
5. Pictures. Everything we do is documented with a picture, not because it’s a picture worthy moment but because we have to share these pictures on our facebook page. Ever hear the saying "if it's not on facebook then it didn't happen, or if you don't have a picture it didn't happen." Plus everyone knows a post with a picture is more attention getting than one without. We want more attention, more "likes."
6. Those battles, arguments, topics we’re afraid to defend in the real, "offline" world, we don’t think twice about engaging in them online on our social media feeds.
7. Getting to know or judging someone by their facebook profile, deciding if they are dateable, or friend worthy based off an online profile.
8. Keeping up with family on facebook. Don’t get me wrong it’s a great way to “stay connected.” What new news do we share now in person? No need to when it’s all online.
9. Emotions. Because our social media profiles have become some sort of extension of our real selves, emotions get spilled out online too.
10. Conversations revolve around what we have seen posted online. “I wonder how Jim is doing, saw he was in a cast on facebook.” Have you called Jim to ask? Or “Saw Molly began training for a marathon, she hurt her ankle during training, met a guy to run with, her ankle is better, she completed the marathon, so happy for her.” Yet over the months you learned this you never once talked with Molly in person or on the phone.
11. “It’s not real until it’s on facebook.” Rooting for our favorite sports team during the game via a status, how much we love our mom, dad, cousin, bf, bff etc, letting everyone know our daily errands, when we go to work, when we go to sleep, when we can’t sleep, our chores, accomplishments, people we saw, and the list goes on.
12. Checking our facebook/twitter feed while in the presence of people in real life.
13. Talking in social media “lingo” in real conversations… “This pizza is awesome! #socheesy #ilovepepperonis” “lol” “like.”
14. Spending any longer than a couple minutes editing and revising a post until it says exactly what you want it to.
What I’ve learned, am learning, still working on.
1. If facebook is the page you go to when intending on checking the weather there is a problem!
2. Setting up limits to how often we can check social media feeds and how much time we spend there is a healthy thing to do.
3. Ask yourself why am I planning when to post this? Is it for personal attention or is it so that I can reach the most people to share it with. If it’s personal attention, then don’t post it at all.
4. We can’t like everything. It creeps people out if you’re a “liker” and then you know you get depressed when you don’t have a lot of likes so you want to like others stuff so that maybe they will like your stuff. If any of that is the case we need to let it go and realize that existence, popularity, and solidarity etc. aren’t based on how many likes we get or give. Realize that many people out there see your posts all day and read it maybe even agree and like it, but they don’t actually click the “like.”
5. When wishing to take a picture ask“is this just so I can share it on facebook or to save the memory.” If it’s the latter then proceed. If it’s the former practice prudence.
6. Would we ever engage people in an argument about abortion, illegal immigrants, religion, laws etc in person? If the answer is no then we probably shouldn’t engage in it online where things can easily be taken out of context. With that said should we share our views? Sure, nothing wrong with that, infact social media can be a great teaching tool to reach a large audience, but you should already expect someone may disagree and want to defend their view. If someone says something really wrong or has the wrong information try to correct the issue with them individually and not in a comment party for the world to see. If it’s something simple then yes a comment works. Use common sense, how would you want it handled if you were in their shoes, handle it with kindness and prudence. If possible ask to meet to discuss it further in person. The most effective conversion doesn’t happen via a comment party under a post.
7. Oß The space in this circle represents how much you truly know everyone via their online profile. I once had a guy tell me (online) that he felt like we were a match. He said he checked up on me on my facebook page. We hadn’t hung out in person in years so I knew that all of this he was basing off of who he knew me as online. He doesn’t know me. Yes my profile is true but I don’t share all of me on facebook with the whole world! If you’re considering a date or someone to be friends with yeah you can see what their life is like online if they put a lot of it on there, but what if they don’t? Or what do they hide, or what about the deeper stuff they just don’t want to share with everyone. Take time get to know them and give them a chance to be themselves offline.
8. This one I’m bad about. We really need to spend more time together in person or talk on the phone.
9. We’re made to share ourselves with others…but not the whole world. Have some emotional prudence. Some things are meant to only be shared with a close friend or relative and not the 700 people who catch your status in their news feed.
10. If you’re talking to someone and all the information in the conversation is based off FB is it really authentic? Are you really a friend to Jim or Molly? It would seem so since you know all of this stuff about them, but you haven’t actually talked to either of them about what you learned. This one goes with 8, really we can’t neglect offline in person time because we “already know everything there is to know from facebook.”
11. Prudence. Before facebook, did you tell all 700 of your friends when you vacuumed, when you went to the grocery store, how much you love your bf, what you ate for supper etc? If the answer is no, then either don’t post or have more prudence.
12. As soon as you take your phone out and spend time scrolling through a news feed, the real people around you disappear. You can’t possibly give all your attention to online stuff and real life at the same time. Keep that in mind. Go cold turkey and don’t check it at all while out with friends. If you absolutely must then be prudent and discreet. It’s sad seeing people glued to their facebook feed while out at a dance, a hang out, walking down the street with friends, at dinner etc.
13. Just stop.
14. See also #7 response. We write a post, then edit and revise it. We have to make sure people will understand, we want to sound a certain way, we don’t want to come off wrong, we try not to offend anyone, we don’t want to reveal too much etc. Same goes for pictures we post and things we like. It’s all controlled so that people only see what you want them to see of you. Therefore we lose the authenticity that comes with real life conversations and interactions. We have a “facebook” image of who everyone of our “friends” are, and many of them only have a “facebook” image of who we are. It’s disturbing to think that we may go through life with this image of others and they only have this image of us. We miss out on getting to know the real person who God uniquely created each of us to be. Please proofread, please be mindful of what you post, but realize there is always going to be a filter. Online existence can never fulfill offline existence. You can’t know a person by their facebook, it’s merely one small facet of who they are.
Prudence is key.
This very thought provoking video gives further insight to the question asked at the beginning of this post.
This very thought provoking video gives further insight to the question asked at the beginning of this post.
