Why does it have to be a bikini?

Why does it have to be a bikini?

What if it didn’t have to be teeny-tiny, itsy bitsy, busty, cheeky, two piece, low coverage, etc?  All terms we see advertising bathing suits.
 

As soon as the winter season starts letting up and the first signs of spring come out so do the swimsuits and whether it’s for your spring break beach party or the summer vacation, the hunt for the perfect swimwear begins. Before they are out in the stores we scour all the websites online. We find loads of cute ones the models show off, they are picture perfect. We get high hopes wanting to look beautiful just like the pictures. Then we go to the stores and begin trying them on and it’s no picnic trying to find the perfect one. You likely ask, who were these made for anyways? especially when things start hanging out and the suit is riding up, or you notice your skin matches the white walls of the dressing room. Too many times we’re going to put on a suit only to realize it looks nothing like what it did on the model, on us and we become dissatisfied with the way our body is made rather than how some company made a swimsuit.

Many will work out beginning in January for that "bikini body." Now everyone should take care of their body, and be healthy, but the results of that won’t be just like the model.
A. Because many of the images have been photo-shopped.
B. Our bodies are all perfectly unique!
We’re tall, short, petite, curvy, sporty, “rulers, apples and pears.” There is no such thing as “the average girl” our figures come in all shapes and sizes. We’re all created uniquely beautiful, no mistakes. We are UNIQUE! (can I stress this enough?) None of us are the same, so why do we think we have to dress the same? We know that one type of pants, shirt, dress etc won’t flatter everyone’s body. So can the beauty of all body types and personalities be revealed by one style of swimwear?

There are some schools of thought saying "every body is a bikini body" "to have a bikini body all you have to do is put on a bikini!" okay but...

What I am asking is why? Why do we have to have a "bikini body?" In a culture that today values individuality, why do we think we have to wear the bikini, a suit that everyone else is wearing? Shouldn’t we seek to wear what "suits us," uniquely us?

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why am I looking for or wearing this? You can ask this question about any article of clothing but in this post we’ll focus on swimwear.

That swimsuit everyone is wearing is the bikini...Why am I wearing a bikini?

Let’s think back to when you first started wearing one, some of us perhaps have been in them our whole lives, others wore one pieces or tankinis till a certain age. Why did you wear a one-piece or two-piece or why did you change from one to the other? 

I remember the first year I got a two-piece swimsuit. My last one-piece had been solid black with tweety bird on the front. I was in junior high and most of my friends were wearing two-pieces. I thought getting a bikini was the “more grown up” thing to do. Like it was the next step on my way to growing into a young woman. So I got my first two-piece, it wasn’t a triangle top, it went straight across with a racer back, it was sporty blue and came with boyshort bottoms instead of bikini bottoms. I remember I felt less comfortable in this than my one piece, but more comfortable than if I had a true bikini. I felt better around my friends now having a two-piece like them. Then I jumped off the diving board and my top slid up leaving me exposed. Good thing I could fix it before I surfaced, but that scared me. I realized this new suit came with new things to worry about and so my activity in the water wasn’t as care free as it had once been.

So my reasons for making the switch to a two-piece were because all my friends had, and I thought I had to eventually because it was part of "growing up."

After that I went through midriff bearing mid-kinis, bandeaus, and then eventually for a few years wore true bikinis. I never had a string one because I feared not being able to keep the suit in proper place. Was I ever comfortable in them? No, not completely.
A few examples: I remember chasing my cousins around the pool, and feeling “naked and exposed” everytime I had to climb out of the water. Then a moment while studying abroad. I was exploring a creek with a guy classmate. It wasn’t anything he did, but I was so self conscious and wished I had at least worn longer shorts.

The change....gradual.

I began working as a lifeguard after I graduated high school. For work we had the option of wearing either a one piece or a midkini. I chose the midkini. Reasons why; well one pieces to me weren’t “cool” or attractive, most of the other guards chose to wear midkinis, and practically speaking, it’s easier to go to the bathroom in a two-piece. I remember our head guard saying he thought the one pieces were more professional looking. That stuck with me, especially hearing this from male. I wanted to be more professional, but not enough to make the switch. Working at the water park as I scanned all the swimmers keeping an eye out for things not in order, I sometimes wondered about the people. I remember seeing a junior high girl on a field-trip day wearing a one piece standing in line for a slide with her friends who were all in bikinis. She looked kind of self conscious. Now who knows why she really looked this way, yes should could have been nervous about the slide, but I wondered from my own experience, if she wanted to be more like her friends, wearing a two piece. In reality she looked amazing in the suit she had on. Another time I remember seeing a fellow guard who came to swim wearing a bright tourquoise tankini with a skirt bottom. I was surprised, she was a beautiful confident girl who could have easily pulled off a tiny bikini, but she chose not to. She was more covered than 95% of the other women swimming, and she looked great, not lame, dorky, frumpy or too prudish or whatever. That summer I realized:

 we don’t all have to or need to wear a bikini to be amazingly beautiful!

The next summer I found a cute red tankini with a skirt bottom. It still showed a few inches of my stomach, and it took me a while to get used to being more covered and not in a bikini like everyone else, but the comfort I felt in it, the comfort of being more covered and “secure” definitely outweighed the reservations I had about no longer being in a bikini "like everyone else." That was my suit for a few summers until my latter years of college.

The year of 2012 I decided that I would no longer ever wear another bikini, low cut top, or midriff bearing swimsuit. I felt I didn't have to.I learned that I could look amazing, classy and beautiful and feel completely comfortable all at the same time. I was lucky and found a cute vintage style one-piece at Forever 21 that year. It was great, covered everything and looked cute with a pair of board shorts. When I first wore it around friends and family sure I wondered what they thought of my one piece, but that didn’t matter. I finally felt confident not worrying about if anything was hanging out or riding up or showing too much. I could stand and talk to a guy and not be worrying or feeling exposed. When I looked in the mirror I felt beautiful, my attention wasn’t drawn to my midriff or butt or chest wishing they were "perfect" or looked differently. I looked amazing in this swimsuit, it flattered my unique figure and personality!

Today I have found a tankini that I look just as beautiful in as the one-piece and it's definitely more practical (you know for when you have to go). Another option I found is dri-fit sport clothes. For example try a dri-fit sports bra and dri-fit t-shirt or tank-top to wear with board shorts and a swim bottom. It’s just like wearing clothes, but for the water, nothing drags or weighs you down. 

So this is my story of my switch to modest swimwear. Now I pose the questions to you to consider when buying a swimsuit this season….

Why are you wearing a bikini?

Is it because everyone else does? "because everyone else is doing it" is never a good reason. Be yourself, do your own thing!

Do you feel like you have to? Whether you feel like you have to in order to fit in with friends, have to look a certain way or dress a certain way, feeling pressured is never a good reason to go along with a trend.

Are you afraid you won’t get male attention in a one piece? Consider this...you aren't just getting "that one guy's" attention. Every guy will see you whether they are 12, 20, 42, or 60+. What are you actually comfortable with people seeing you wear?

Do you think you’ll look prudish, dorky, or un-cool in a one piece or tankini? Give them a chance, there are tons of styles and prints. You will be surprised! You may have to look a little harder, but they are out there. At the end of this post I’ll give some shopping suggestions. I also have pinterest board where I pin any stylish modest suits I find.

Are you truly comfortable in your bikini, are you comfortable with the way you look and feel while wearing it? If you don't feel comfortable showing cleavage, exposing your midriff, worrying if your butt is covered etc., then don't limit yourself to a bikini. Consider that you haven't found the suit that uniquely fits you. Not any one suit will make everybody look and feel amazing.

If you're standing in front of the dressing room mirror with a suit on wishing you could change your body, STOP! You are beautiful and perfect the way you are, it's the suit that is not, change the suit!

Give one-pieces or tankinis something you wouldn't normally try, a chance.

Choosing a suit that is more modest, is not about hiding your body or being ashamed of how you look. It's about you being confident and comfortable in what you are wearing. It's about people seeing you at the beach and not just your body.

I hope you will please consider this. Here are a few words from another one-piece wearing blogger on the subject of a one-piece.
          "They’re simultaneously classic and modern, and when they look right, they look sophisticated, a word not normally invoked at the beach....At the end of the day, people should just recall that you looked beautiful. Eventually, everybody figures out that you look your best when you feel the most comfortable. And at the beach, I want to be able to sit up and have a picnic without worrying what my stomach looks like, or dive into a pool and swim for as long as I want without fearing a Seventeen magazine Traumarama moment and losing my top. I need to feel ready to run into the waves, play with my dogs, or to try surfing. My one-pieces are not, “covering up that bod-ay,” but empowering it, flattering it, and ensuring that I’m able to do what I want, whenever I want." —Alessandra Codinha

Love Your Sister,
Alyson

Should Women Wear Bikinis? -Jason Evert

 

 

 

SHOPPING SUGGESTIONS! Some of them are pricier than others depending on store or brand as comparable to what you expect with bikinis. Also should mention that just because it's a one-piece or tankini doesn't mean it will be flattering or modest. Shop around and find the one with the right colors, print, style, and coverage to suit you!

Links to sites with tankini and one piece options:

My Modest Swim Pinterest Board!
 
http://www.limericki.com/
http://www.hapari.com/
http://www.divinitasole.com/
http://www.reyswimwear.com/
https://www.swimoutlet.com/
http://www.modcloth.com/shop/swimwear
Athleta
http://downeastbasics.com/swim.aspx
http://www.thepinkdesert.com/

 Links to common stores that have tankini and one piece options:
Kohls
JCPenney
Dillards
Beals
Target
Belk

Here are some pictures of a few great styles I've seen.





Romper Style @LimeRicki



Vintage classic stripes @ Modcloth

One Shoulder @ LimeRicki



 

 

Don't be "that roommate"

“Don’t be that roommate”

Getting ready to go to college and move away from home is stressful enough without worrying over your living situation with roommates. We’ve heard all sorts of roommate stores from older family and friends. Some of them were the best of friends, the others were horror stories. Why are there roommates like that? That drive people crazy? You may dread going potluck or living with the unknown because what if they turn out to be someone we can’t live with? But, have you ever stopped to look at yourself and make sure you aren’t “that” roommate? In this post is a list of ways we can “not be that roommate” that I’ve gathered from friend’s experiences, personal experience and observation, of myself, and of roommates.

 DISCLAIMER – just in case any of my former roommates read this, I fully acknowledge that according to this post I was in reality not the perfect roommate. I don’t want someone else making the same unnecessary mistake. I learned a lot in those years and if it weren’t for some of my roommates I may never have learned what I did about living well with others. Thanks!

Two things to keep in mind for the remainder of the list. 1. You don’t own the place. Most likely you’ll be living in a dorm or renting a house or apartment. It’s a shared ownership with you and your roommates. And 2. Doing well in college is important. You and you’re roommates are paying for classes, grades are important, studying is a legitimate excuse not to do something.

1.       Alarm clocks- this is important especially if you share a room with someone. Wake up and deal with your alarm. Make sure it is something that will wake you up. Don’t hit snooze 50 times if you really don’t plan on rolling out of bed for class. Remember your roommate(s) may be trying to sleep and it isn’t fair if they have to be awoken by your alarm because you neglect to shut it off.

2.       Music- Be considerate about volume or whether it’s an appropriate time to have it on at all. Turning your stereo on when you get home in the middle of the night as you’re getting ready for bed means that you’re likely disturbing other roommates trying to sleep. If a roommate is studying turn down your volume or use headphones. Don’t deprive someone of a good studying atmosphere, that’s not necessary.

3.       Bills- Responsibly keep up with rent, utilities etc. For the most part this is handled by the landlord, school housing services, or the apartment. Don’t put your roommates in a bind by not paying your part. There are consequences. If there is a disagreement that can’t be settled on payments take it up with an unbiased third party. For example you and your roommates may disagree on how much each should have to pay during a break when not all of you are there. A disagreement like this can cause some awkward tension and is best to have settled by the landlord.

4.       Pets- Be sure your roommates are okay with your pet. If a roommate has an allergy, you can’t expect her to suffer so leave your cat or dog with family. Other factors such as shedding, fleas, and accidents. These are all your responsibility. Your pet also needs to be under control. Not just for the sake of your roommates, but neighbors too. No one will be thrilled with a hound dog howling at odd hours of the night or a cat meowing to be let out. If you can’t keep them quiet be considerate and respectful of others and leave the pet with family.

5.       Chores (dorm)- Most the times chores are divided between sides, each person taking care of their half. It’s ideal to keep things in shape. Make your bed, have a covered basket for laundry and don’t let trash pile on the floor. If your roommates parents drop by unexpectedly what can she do about the heap of nasty laundry and old food that has piled up in your corner?

6.       Chores (house or appt.)- A lot of times roommates will reach an agreement on what chores need to be done and rotate week by week taking turns on who does what. Things such as taking out trash, sweeping, vacuuming, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the bathroom are all shared chores. Do your part and don’t put it off!

7.       What that said, pick up after yourself. If you have your own room you can let it go however you like, but with a shared room, or shared areas such as a kitchen or living room be mindful that it’s not your space, it’s everyone’s. Don’t leave your roommates to clean your dishes and put away your shoes when they have guests coming over.

8.       Boyfriends (dorm)- Talk it over with your roommate before inviting him in. Let her know when he’ll be around and how long. Surprises aren’t good when it comes to having male friends over. What if she’s been in the shower and happens to walk out while you have your man friend over? What if she walks in on you and your man friend during an intimate moment? Boyfriends should not stay late, or overnight. Especially when your roommate is around. While you’re comfortable with him she likely isn’t and it makes for an awkward situation when trying to shower and go to bed.

9.       Boyfriends (house or appt.)- Again talk it over with your roommates when you are having male friends over so that they aren’t surprised. If you want to watch a movie with him in the living room plan that with your roommates and be aware you may not get all the privacy you want. If he needs to stay late or stay the night plan this with your roommates. Let them know where he’ll be so that no one is surprised.
9.1- Your boyfriend can’t live with you in your room with when you share a place with your roommates. Many of these points we may have differing opinions on especially this one. If one of the girls aren’t comfortable with a man in the house for extended days and nights please respect her. Even if it’s not a big deal to you it may be to her. She signed the lease with you and your other roommates, not with your guy. She signed a lease expecting to live with other girls, not a guy too. In this case it’s not going to hurt you to not get to live with your bf in your room, but she for whatever reason will be uncomfortable if he is “living” with yall.  

10.    Parties- Talk it over with all roommates so that everyone can arrange what to do or if it’s okay. Out of consideration for your roommates safety and yours don’t allow anything illegal from any of the people you invite. Keep the noise down, no alcohol for minors, no drugs. The worst would be waking up in the night hearing a cop out in your living room arresting or giving a warning.

11.   A/C and Heater- Come to an agreement on temperatures with your roommates and stick to it. Most likely the bill is split evenly at the end of the month. So don’t turn the air way down when you’re alone, raising the bill. Be mindful and considerate. Remember you all have to share the bill and you’ll want to keep the costs down and still be comfortable. There’s no golden temperature so if it’s too warm or cold you’ll just have to deal with fans or extra covers.

 

12. Give them space- Respect their space and social life. Know that their room is theirs, if it's not clean there's not a lot you can do about it. Never go snooping around looking for clothes to borrow or even something as simple as an ink pen with out asking them first. Also don't expect to get invited everywhere just because you are their roommate. They will likely have their own friends they want to be with sometimes just as you'll have yours. If you do want to go hang out with them and their friends, there is no harm in asking them about it first.

13.   Respect faith/morals/values- We all have our differences when it comes to these areas. When you’re living with someone have respect for this part of their life. It’s likely a big part of who they are as an individual. Accept that yall may have to respectfully disagree in areas such as these. Leave it at that. You may share your faith and such with another but you can’t force it. If they don’t want to agree that’s okay. It is possible to politely disagree. At the same time you don’t have to put up a wall to their differing beliefs. You can listen without agreeing. Listening will help them know that you respect them and give you a chance to better understand them as a person and why they are the way they are, why they value or don’t value what they do.

14.   Don’t be a nazi- by this I mean have patience and realize everything isn’t black and white, college is a crazy time and things happen. Maybe someone will get sick and need the ac/heater set differently or not be able to complete their chores. Maybe they had to grab a quick bite to eat before heading to class and left dishes in the sink, unless it’s a bad habit give them a chance to come back and deal with it. Maybe someone will be so overwhelmed with school responsibilities during test week or interviews and start to slack with home responsibilities. It’s okay to give them a break or if possible even offer to help if you want to or have time.

15.   Do- The extras. This is a brief list of those little extra things that absolutely are not required, never feel pressured to have to do them, but they are nice and others appreciate them. Cook a meal for your roommates. Cook with your roommates. Plan to hang out with them; play board games see a movie, have a Disney marathon night. Contribute to the home décor. Be there for her if she's clearly having a rough day. Do something you know they would like. Introduce them to your family, and meet their family. Go shopping together. Plan workout times together to help motivate each other. Help them study by offering to quiz them over notes. There are tons more things you might think of!

16.   All in all treat them as you would want to be treated.

A home is supposed to be a comfortable safe place that we can retreat to, and we should not for any reason do something to take that away from someone else. This post is not about letting others “get their way,” completely catering to others needs, bending over backwards, or letting them walk all over you. There might be cases where your room mate has ridiculous expectations of you and dealing with that may be for another post, but this one is to help you be sure that you don’t have ridiculous expectations of them. It’s about making compromises and learning to adapt. It’s about learning to live with another besides just ourselves. Being a good roommate does require us to be selfless and make some sacrifices. It’s actually good practice for marriage. You’ll get good practice learning how to live with another person with a different lifestyle and tastes. You’ll learn what a reasonable request or expectation is of others, and what to “just deal with.”

We can’t control whether our roommates turn out to be our best friends or a nightmare to live with. All we can do ourselves is to be "the roommate" be the best roommate we can be, be someone that anyone wouldn’t mind living with.

How to Let Someone Down Easy

Is there such thing as letting a guy down easy? No not really, but there is a way to let him down honestly.

Everyone faces this at one time or another, guys and girls alike. We have a friend who we enjoy hanging out with, enjoy their company. They are kind, caring, loyal, a genuine good person. However you don't see them as anything more than that, you are perfectly happy with where your relationship is and don't see dating or anything more in your future. This is all fine as long as both people have this understanding. A lot of times though we find our selves with this type of person and they may have a different idea of where they want this relationship to go, they may want more than just a simple friendship. Either this becomes obvious to you, or another trusted friend might point out that so and so has deeper feelings. So what do you do? How can you let them down with out hurting them, or hurting your friendship?

I've been in this situation a few times. When I got that hunch that maybe he liked me and had other plans for this friendship than I did, my first reaction was to stay on the naive side, give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe my hunch is wrong. So I'd continue going about our friendship normal not treating him any different or talking to him any less. What I didn't realize is that by doing this, I was leading him on. Since he had a different idea already about what our friendship was or would lead to me acting this way further confirmed to him that "maybe she's on the same page." What should you do?

Other times along with that hunch things could be different for the guy, some of my girl friends had to point it out to me and let me know that he's into me. There was even a time when a priest who knew my group of friends really well told me in the confessional, Mike** definitely has his eye on you. Once this information was in my face I back tracked through recent hang outs and conversations with the guy and realized yes it's obvious he's really into me. Okay but I wasn't in to him in the same way, so now what?

Here's what not to do....and there are probably other things we shouldn't do but this is from my experience.
1. Nothing - once after a guy friend actually spilled his feelings I just sat there and said nothing, got out of his truck and left. That was hard and awkward for both of us! I didn't know any better though I should have just spoke honestly to him right then and there but I didn't know to do that, I didn't want to hurt him. I did eventually write him a letter that was honest. Still, you must take action!

2. Play naive and hope he naturally gets over you. As I said before playing naive and acting as if nothing is different or that you know nothing will just lead him on. It's best to have the conversation as soon as possible and be honest. The sooner he can start letting you go the better.

3. Try to avoid him at all costs. Once after finding out a guy friend was into me more than I was I did this. I changed my routes to class even left the church out of a different door to avoid him. It was a lot of work. If you have a friendship with this guy and all of a sudden disappear from his world it's going to be obvious. While this may initiate that tough conversation about differeing levels of feelings, it's going to stress you both out. It's best to confront him right away.
_____________     ____________   ___________________    ___________    _______________   __


Here is what we should do!
The best advice I ever got was from the priest. I told him I didn't feel the same way about Mike** but didn't want to hurt him or our friendship which I valued. Father, speaking as a man knew exactly what I needed to do. He said I needed to act quickly, not delay, be blunt and honest with the guy. No sugar coating, don't leave anything out. Then I'd have to make some separation. He pointed out that if I let it continue it wouldn't be healthy for either of us, the guy would get lead on and I would constantly be awkwardly worrying about his feelings that were different from mine when we hung out. For the guy, getting over his feelings wouldn't be painless and quick and easy once I told him I didn't feel the same way. So some separation may be in order to help him heal and detach from me. Sure I was going to miss they way we used to talk and hang out, but it would be selfish of me to cling on to that, lead him on, and further make things harder on him. Maybe one day, with time he will get over the feelings and be able to love you simply as a friend again. We both would just have to be patient and pray for that.

Did that work? Yes. Was it difficult? Yes. Was it the best thing to do? Yes.
I've used Father's advice on two different occasions. The first time was for Mike** that was a tough conversation to have but once we both got on board with what was obvious and were able to talk honestly about how he and I felt and how it was different it helped us both. It was hard for him to hear but he was mature enough and respected that I didn't feel the same. He was hurt and it did take him some time to get over me and we did have to initiate some separation to help him move on. It was worth it. In time we were eventually able to both be on the same page as simple good friends. It's not the same as before, but I would say it's healthier and more well rounded.

Is this always the best answer? Yes. Is it always going to be nice and clean? No.
Myself and friends have had experiences where the guy didn't react so pleasantly. Perhaps he might lash out in anger. Write a hurtful letter to you. Tell you how "wrong" you are. Want to close all ties with you and come up with far-fetched reasons for doing so. If a guy ever reacts something like this realize and understand that he is hurt, you may feel hurt by him too, but please don't take his negative words or actions to heart. This is further confirmation that you have to be honest with him as soon as possible, but sometimes you just can't help his feelings, interpretaions, or reactions. He will have to heal on his own. You can both learn and grow from this. Pray for him and in time perhaps he'll one day come to understand why things had to happen the way they did and come to forgive and let go.   
**name changed.

Here's a good article found in Verily magizine written by a guy on what to do in this situation. If you ever find yourself in this situation please heed his advice, and the advice of the priest I have written above. Be decisive and honest and understanding when it comes to that needed separation.
___________________________________________________________________________________________

Gentleman Speak: How To Let A Guy Down Easy

By Mitch Boersma / Photography By: Gabriela Hansen

As my sisters and I swapped stories over the recent holiday, I discovered that my youngest sister has become unnervingly skilled at jettisoning guys at the bar who, despite their best efforts, fail to attract her ongoing attention.
What that says about the dating world in general, I’m still unsure. But there’s another sort of relationship-ending that she hasn’t quite mastered: It’s been a few months. He’s nice. He’s friendly. He’s not terrible-looking. He’s not the one. But she really does care about him. So how could she end this relationship without bruising his ego?
She can’t. And neither can you.
Break-ups always feel like getting hit in the psyche by a Mack truck, so it’s a fool’s errand thinking there is some way to soften the blow. When it comes to ending a relationship with a gentleman, there’s a better question to use to guide your actions: how can I end it in a way that respects both him and the relationship we shared?

When?

Now. The first time you can arrange to see him in person will do. When you know he’s not the one, both he and you deserve to start the mending process as soon as possible.

How?

Honest, direct, and to the point. This seems obvious, but the noble temptation to obfuscate and “protect him” is strong, yet inevitably leads to more confusion and anger.
If you’re at an impasse on a big issue and see no way forward, he’ll respect you for calling out the elephant in the room. But if you’re breaking it off because he’s always in the middle of an epic Call of Duty session with his bros, do him (and his next girlfriend) a favor and tell him he still has some growing up to do. Before you begin a break up with “You’re a great guy but…” ask yourself, would you set him up with a friend? Gentlemen are made, not born.
In the end, men and women share an essential truth: we prefer to be let down than led on.

Facebook Realizations

This post may "grow."

Are we trading in a real existence for a digital one?

That was the question posed by a recent article I read about “What not to post online.” The answer to that question….I’m not sure maybe not trading it, but often times giving it more precedence than real existence, or trying to live two “lives.” Here is what I’ve noticed:

1. Accidently typing in www.facebook.com when attempting to go to another website.

2. Checking your social media feed more than once in the same hour. Really I could say more than once in the morning, afternoon, and evening. Or even staying logged in all day long via a smart phone.

3. Strategically planning when to post something so as to get the most attention to it. We all know that around lunch or in the evening is prime time.

4. Likes. Now there are a few things to say about this crazy little thumbs up sign.

-Just clicking it can show the world your solidarity with an issue, if you don’t click it you may actually feel guilty for not being supportive.

-Have you ever "liked" someone's post to promote a good they have done? Maybe they went to church, donated some money, did a random act of kindness. Then you click like of course because you like what they did, but do you ever do it so that maybe they will continue this good behavior?

-You may like someone’s post as a way to reach out and “touch” them. You “like” what someone has posted every now and then to show “I haven’t forgotten them…”

-With that said you can also “like” something of someone who you maybe don’t get along with to show you’re over or above the ill feelings.

-We judge the popularity of a post or a page based on how many “likes” it has. Furthermore we may even judge our own worth and popularity based on our online attention. We may actually get insecure if something we posted doesn’t have any or very few likes.

5. Pictures. Everything we do is documented with a picture, not because it’s a picture worthy moment but because we have to share these pictures on our facebook page. Ever hear the saying "if it's not on facebook then it didn't happen, or if you don't have a picture it didn't happen." Plus everyone knows a post with a picture is more attention getting than one without. We want more attention, more "likes."

6. Those battles, arguments, topics we’re afraid to defend in the real, "offline" world, we don’t think twice about engaging in them online on our social media feeds.

7. Getting to know or judging someone by their facebook profile, deciding if they are dateable, or friend worthy based off an online profile.

8. Keeping up with family on facebook. Don’t get me wrong it’s a great way to “stay connected.” What new news do we share now in person? No need to when it’s all online.

9. Emotions. Because our social media profiles have become some sort of extension of our real selves, emotions get spilled out online too.

10. Conversations revolve around what we have seen posted online. “I wonder how Jim is doing, saw he was in a cast on facebook.” Have you called Jim to ask? Or “Saw Molly began training for a marathon, she hurt her ankle during training, met a guy to run with, her ankle is better, she completed the marathon, so happy for her.” Yet over the months you learned this you never once talked with Molly in person or on the phone.

11. “It’s not real until it’s on facebook.” Rooting for our favorite sports team during the game via a status, how much we love our mom, dad, cousin, bf, bff etc, letting everyone know our daily errands, when we go to work, when we go to sleep, when we can’t sleep, our chores, accomplishments, people we saw, and the list goes on.

12. Checking our facebook/twitter feed while in the presence of people in real life.

13. Talking in social media “lingo” in real conversations… “This pizza is awesome! #socheesy #ilovepepperonis” “lol” “like.”

14. Spending any longer than a couple minutes editing and revising a post until it says exactly what you want it to.

What I’ve learned, am learning, still working on.

1. If facebook is the page you go to when intending on checking the weather there is a problem!

2. Setting up limits to how often we can check social media feeds and how much time we spend there is a healthy thing to do.

3. Ask yourself why am I planning when to post this? Is it for personal attention or is it so that I can reach the most people to share it with. If it’s personal attention, then don’t post it at all.

4. We can’t like everything. It creeps people out if you’re a “liker” and then you know you get depressed when you don’t have a lot of likes so you want to like others stuff so that maybe they will like your stuff. If any of that is the case we need to let it go and realize that existence, popularity, and solidarity etc. aren’t based on how many likes we get or give. Realize that many people out there see your posts all day and read it maybe even agree and like it, but they don’t actually click the “like.”

5. When wishing to take a picture ask“is this just so I can share it on facebook or to save the memory.” If it’s the latter then proceed. If it’s the former practice prudence.

6. Would we ever engage people in an argument about abortion, illegal immigrants, religion, laws etc in person? If the answer is no then we probably shouldn’t engage in it online where things can easily be taken out of context. With that said should we share our views? Sure, nothing wrong with that, infact social media can be a great teaching tool to reach a large audience, but you should already expect someone may disagree and want to defend their view. If someone says something really wrong or has the wrong information try to correct the issue with them individually and not in a comment party for the world to see. If it’s something simple then yes a comment works. Use common sense, how would you want it handled if you were in their shoes, handle it with kindness and prudence. If possible ask to meet to discuss it further in person. The most effective conversion doesn’t happen via a comment party under a post.

7. Oß The space in this circle represents how much you truly know everyone via their online profile. I once had a guy tell me (online) that he felt like we were a match. He said he checked up on me on my facebook page. We hadn’t hung out in person in years so I knew that all of this he was basing off of who he knew me as online. He doesn’t know me. Yes my profile is true but I don’t share all of me on facebook with the whole world! If you’re considering a date or someone to be friends with yeah you can see what their life is like online if they put a lot of it on there, but what if they don’t? Or what do they hide, or what about the deeper stuff they just don’t want to share with everyone. Take time get to know them and give them a chance to be themselves offline.

8. This one I’m bad about. We really need to spend more time together in person or talk on the phone.

9. We’re made to share ourselves with others…but not the whole world. Have some emotional prudence. Some things are meant to only be shared with a close friend or relative and not the 700 people who catch your status in their news feed.

10. If you’re talking to someone and all the information in the conversation is based off FB is it really authentic? Are you really a friend to Jim or Molly? It would seem so since you know all of this stuff about them, but you haven’t actually talked to either of them about what you learned. This one goes with 8, really we can’t neglect offline in person time because we “already know everything there is to know from facebook.”

11. Prudence. Before facebook, did you tell all 700 of your friends when you vacuumed, when you went to the grocery store, how much you love your bf, what you ate for supper etc? If the answer is no, then either don’t post or have more prudence.

12. As soon as you take your phone out and spend time scrolling through a news feed, the real people around you disappear. You can’t possibly give all your attention to online stuff and real life at the same time. Keep that in mind. Go cold turkey and don’t check it at all while out with friends. If you absolutely must then be prudent and discreet. It’s sad seeing people glued to their facebook feed while out at a dance, a hang out, walking down the street with friends, at dinner etc.

13. Just stop.

14. See also #7 response. We write a post, then edit and revise it. We have to make sure people will understand, we want to sound a certain way, we don’t want to come off wrong, we try not to offend anyone, we don’t want to reveal too much etc. Same goes for pictures we post and things we like. It’s all controlled so that people only see what you want them to see of you. Therefore we lose the authenticity that comes with real life conversations and interactions. We have a “facebook” image of who everyone of our “friends” are, and many of them only have a “facebook” image of who we are. It’s disturbing to think that we may go through life with this image of others and they only have this image of us. We miss out on getting to know the real person who God uniquely created each of us to be. Please proofread, please be mindful of what you post, but realize there is always going to be a filter. Online existence can never fulfill offline existence. You can’t know a person by their facebook, it’s merely one small facet of who they are.

Prudence is key.

This very thought provoking video gives further insight to the question asked at the beginning of this post.

 

Intro

Dear _________,

My name is Alyson and I'm a sister. An oldest sister to two incredible younger and taller sisters. An "unofficially adopted" sister to a special few friends. While my two real sisters may tell you that I have a fault of "lecturing," I hope that I am able to relay this sisterly information in a loving, and sincere way through this blog. Most importantly in Christ I'm your sister too! I intend this blog to be a collection of thoughts, encouragement, advice, reflections, news, and good things from others to share as a sister.

Love Your Sister,

Alyson